Open communication within a family allows children, adolescents, and teens to feel comfortable and safe expressing their thoughts, emotions, and needs openly and honestly. Cultivating an open and safe space for communication can strengthen parent-child relationships and create a home that feels nurturing, supportive, and safe. Parental support is one of the most protective factors for children, adolescents, and teens in building resilience. An important component of this relationship is building connection and trust within the relationship. Something that potentially prevents a child from wanting to share is a fear of the information being spread in the family, worry of getting in trouble, or fear of making a family member feel negatively. Here are a couple of things that can aid in improving open communication:
Timing
Timing is an important factor of communicating with teens and adolescents. The most meaningful may not happen on your timeline. For teens and adolescents who may be more hesitant to share, it can be helpful to think through a couple of different factors. Is there a time of day that you notice that they are more open and willing to share? This could be in the car on the way home from school, on a walk, or at the end of the day getting ready for bed. Sometimes it can be easier to share and process when the child, teen, or adolescent does not feel like the attention is completely on them in that moment. If you do notice a pattern, these can be great opportunities to open the door to different conversations.
Open up the Conversation
In starting intentional conversations it can be helpful to think through, what are some things that helped you feel comfortable opening up when you were younger? Leading with these values can help build empathy in navigating these conversations. Starting these conversations can look like providing a door-opener “I know High School can be hard, I am here for you if you ever need to talk about anything.” It can also look like asking more open-ended questions, “What was the best part of your day” or “is there anything on your mind that you'd like to talk more about?.” It’s also important to remember that a child, adolescent, or teen not sharing in that moment, does not mean that they will not share with you. Sometimes can be planting seeds of support, and them knowing that you are there for them.
Reinforce the sharing
Let your child know that hearing them is important to you, and is something that you want and appreciate. This can alleviate some of the worries around inconveniencing parents. “I appreciate you sharing this with me” or “this is really important to me and I am so thankful that you felt like you could share this with me.”
Support or Solutions
Parents are very talented problem solvers, but sometimes solutions are not the things that children are seeking. Child therapists know that, even with the most noble intentions, a solution too quickly can create a transactional relationship that feels devaluing. One practical and simple way to provide support is to reflect the emotion that you notice and ask, Do you need Support or Solutions? Support looks like active listening, showing a genuine interest and acknowledgement of the child’s feelings and thoughts. Solutions are helping find options on how to navigate tough situations or feelings and resolve problems. Asking this question can empower individuals to practice expressing their needs, build self-awareness, and practice problem solving.
How to ask the question
When asking a child, the language in the question might look like: “That’s so upsetting, Do you want help figuring this out or would you rather I just listen?” Or “Do you want a hug (or add in a different supportive coping skill) or would you rather talk about what to do next?”
Give your child the space to process
Even with the most kind and compassionate parents, a child can feel awkward or uncomfortable sharing about some of the struggles that they are facing at home or school. It can be for a variety or reasons, whether they do not want to hurt your feelings, nervous about what you might think, or they just are unsure how to express their thoughts and feelings around a topic. Counseling for teens and play therapy for children can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to process through some of these thoughts and help individuals understand themselves a little better. Sometimes “I don’t know” is a truthful answer that can take time and deeper processing to understand. Having a space to process can aid in building more open and meaningful relationships at home.
Trust, Consistency, and Patience
Creating this relationship can take trust, consistency, and patience. Trust that your child will come to you when they are ready and open. Consistency in creating opportunities for sharing and how you provide support. Patience in the time it can take. Positive communication with parents helps young people grow up healthier and more likely to seek their parents' advice. When you put the effort in to cultivate the space for open communication at home, you build the foundation for resilient relationships between family members.
Help through Child and Adolescent Therapy
Parents are people, too, and they shouldn't have to do everything on their own! That's why we provide child and adolescent therapy. From counselling for teenagers to children's cognitive behavioral therapy, Peachtree Psychology child therapists are here to help when you need the help. Contact us to talk with a compassionate child and adolescent therapist at Peachtree Psychology in Roswell, Georgia.